I Just Don’t Feel Like Myself: The Mental Health Side of Perimenopause

“I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”

It’s something I hear from women in their 40s and 50s pretty often.

Sometimes they can’t quite explain what has changed. Life might look much the same from the outside, yet internally something feels different. They may feel less confident, more easily overwhelmed, unusually irritable or emotional. Their motivation has disappeared. Things they once managed without thinking suddenly feel harder.

And then there’s the brain fog -  some women describe losing words mid-sentence, forgetting why you walked into a room, struggling to concentrate or feeling less sharp at work.

This can be genuinely unsettling.

Perimenopause is a time of significant change, and mental health can be affected with the hormonal changes and increased sensitivity, as well as so many life changes women often find themselves in. Changing oestrogen and progesterone can influence brain systems involved in mood, sleep, stress response and cognition. But these biological changes are occurring within the context of a woman’s whole life.

And during this stage of ‘midlife’ there can be a lot going on.

You may be letting go of children as they grow up. Parents may begin needing you as they age. Relationships can be changing. Careers may be demanding. Sleep may be disrupted. Bodies are changing. There can also be a growing awareness that the way you have lived for the past 20 years (or longer) may no longer be working for you. Everything...yes, everything is adjusting and your body is asking you to adjust with it.

So, when a woman says, “I don’t feel like myself,” my question is often:

Which part of yourself feels missing?

Because perhaps the goal isn’t always to get back to the woman you were.

Perimenopause can also invite us to become curious about the woman who is emerging. Or perhaps the one that has been hiding under all the roles and identities that have been playing out for all these years.

What does she need now?

What is she no longer willing to tolerate?

Where does she need stronger boundaries?

What gives her energy - and what continually drains it?

What has she been carrying that she may finally be ready to put down?

Supporting mental health through menopause isn’t simply about managing symptoms. It can also be about understanding what is happening biologically, recognising the pressures surrounding us and most of all, creating space to reconnect with ourselves.

You may not feel exactly like your old self.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean she has disappeared.

Perhaps you are shedding some layers and about to get to know yourself - you, the woman - on a whole other level. Menopause has a beautiful way of making everything very transparent – and if we can find a way to embrace this, we can have a whole other experience i.e., otherwise to everything we are told menopause is.